In a trash-talking, reality-show culture that
rewards bad behavior and self-promoting arrogance, quiet gentlemen have largely
become quaint rarities, charming but outmoded relics of generations past. The
news today is dominated by bullying presidential candidates, and the
entertainment arena is ruled by foul-mouthed superheroes; unless young boys are taught gentlemanly standards by the males in
their lives at home and in their neighborhood, they will be hard-pressed to find
role models for them elsewhere in our culture.
Raymond Nelson, the student support specialist
at Memminger Elementary in downtown Charleston, South Carolina, isn’t waiting
around for our broken culture to right itself. He works with at-risk children,
many of whom come from broken homes with no father figure. Grim statistics bear
out just what a devastating effect fatherlessness has on boys, who are then more
inclined to turn to crime, to take drugs, to drop out of school, and to
perpetuate this cycle of failure one day with broken families involving their
own children.
Recognizing this, over the recent winter break
Raymond Nelson came up with an idea to help the young boys among his students break
that tragic chain and become young men better prepared for success at home and
in the workplace. He started The Gentleman’s Club.
For once, a “gentleman’s club” is turning
boys into men and not the other way around. Every Wednesday nearly 60 students from
the first through the fifth grades at Memminger meet to discuss a new topic on
etiquette and self-presentation such as how to shake hands, make eye contact,
open doors for ladies, and address their elders. Their motto is “Look good,
feel good, do good.” They are required to wear ties and jackets, and Nelson has
a stash of donated jackets, vests and ties for those boys who don’t have their
own. “I was thinking maybe if I have the boys dress for success,” said Nelson,
“when was the last time you saw someone fighting in a tuxedo?”
Nelson understands that what you wear affects
your attitude and sense of self. With youth fashion tending toward drooping,
baggy pants and athletic wear, wearing a suit sets the boys apart as young men.
It instills in them a certain sense of seriousness, maturity, dignity, and
responsibility, and their behavior changes accordingly. And dressing up affects
not only the way they see themselves, but the way others see them as well. “They
like the reaction of walking up to classrooms and [hearing], ‘Oh, you look so
nice and handsome.’ They just love it,” said Nelson.
But the Gentleman’s Club training goes beyond
appearance to include manners, which are also in short supply these days, and to
cultivate a sense of chivalry toward girls and women – and God knows that’s
largely absent in our culture as well. Because the younger boys are still at
the age at which they consider girls to be infected with cooties, Nelson bases
his lessons and examples on how they would treat their own sisters, mothers and
teachers.
Nelson himself had joined a similar group as
a child at his mother's request. “It helped me to be a better man and I
could spread the knowledge to the young boys,” Nelson said. “I know a lot
of them struggle because a lot of them don’t have men at home, so I just want
them to grow up and think of the things that I teach them.”
The seriousness and self-confidence the boys
are acquiring in the Gentleman’s Club are also helping them with their
schoolwork. “A lot of my students perform well when they know someone cares
about them,” said Nelson. In fact, the Club has been so successful at Memminger
that Charleston County School District officials say they want other local
schools to begin similar programs in their schools.
Our culture is suffering a manhood crisis. The
rejection of chivalry as sexism and the decline of gentlemanly standards have
left our sons confused about masculinity and led to a corresponding moral degradation
of the entire culture. Such standards don’t come naturally; boys must be
educated in them and challenged to uphold them, and for that they need role
models and teachers like Raymond Nelson. He may be the only such figure in the
lives of most of his 60 students. Bravo for him – but how many more boys there
must be around the country who, like his students, need a Raymond Nelson to start
them on the path to becoming young men.
From Acculturated, 3/3/16
