In a piece last week for Vanity Fair with a title that perfectly
captures the magazine’s signature tone of grandiosity and giddy
celebrity-worship – “Jay-Z, Prince Harry, Brad Pitt, and the New
Frontiers of Male Vulnerability” – Monica Lewinsky praises the trio of celebs as refreshing examples of
men liberating themselves from the straightjacket of traditional masculinity
and embracing an endearing vulnerability. But is that really the kind of
masculinity we want?
“[T]hanks to public declarations from these three men,” Lewinsky says of
Jay-Z, Harry, and Brad, “masculine stereotypes [have] given way to something
different—something soulful, engaging, vulnerable, and even feminist.
Hallelujah.” Yes, thank goodness we have celebrities to lead the way to new
frontiers!
She begins by celebrating Prince Harry’s recent openness about his personal
struggle with mental health after the death of his mother, Princess Diana.
Harry confessed to being unprepared not only for the loss of his mother when he
was a mere twelve, but for the burdens of royalty. It was an emotional
transparency that was out of keeping with the stiff upper lip expected of a
royal.
Moving on to “the mature cowboy” Brad Pitt, Lewinsky states approvingly
that he has “evolved.” In a recent profile in GQ, Pitt discussed “looking
at my weaknesses and failures and owning my side of the street.” He’s in touch
with his feelings again, he says: “[Y]ou either deny them all of your life or
you answer them and evolve.”
British TV personality Piers Morgan tweeted that the GQ interview made him cringe and that Pitt needed to “man up.” (In an earlier tweet, Morgan wrote, “I'm not convinced by this new trend of male public soul-bearing [sic]. Time for our gender to get a grip, methinks. Life's tough – man up.”) Lewinsky took Morgan to task in her article for his “antiquated sense of masculinity”:
What Morgan failed to acknowledge was the sea
change that has occurred over the past generation: to “man up” and to be a
“real man,” among young males of courage and conviction, now go hand-in-hand
with expressing raw emotion, acknowledging flaws, opening up, facing
consequences.
Lewinsky also applauded rapper Jay-Z for confessing to infidelity in his
marriage to Beyoncé. “[H]e chose a path of candor that will—like Brad’s and
Prince Harry’s—move the conversation forward and help others,” Lewinsky writes.
“It is a refreshing and bracing antidote to see male icons convey vulnerability”
rather than “projecting an outmoded caricature of manhood.”
This notion that traditional male stoicism constitutes an “outmoded
caricature of manhood” is a constant refrain in discussions of masculinity
today. The cultural elites like the editors and contributors of Vanity Fair scorn that stereotype. The
new ideal they seem to be promoting in its stead is a man narcissistically absorbed
in exploring his own feelings, a man neutered of the outward-looking drive for achievement
and adventure, and yes, even the capacity for violence that are part of his
nature.
There is a reason that men traditionally are more emotionally reserved
than women: throughout history men have been the providers and protectors, the
hunters and warriors, the builders and trailblazers, and those duties demand no
small measure of emotional toughness and restraint. That is no less true of
life in today’s urban jungle.
In fact, at least one recent study demonstrates that emotionality may protect women
from stress but does not protect men from it. Men, the study concludes, best
combat stress through self-control. And frankly, no matter how loudly a
minority of voices in the culture declare otherwise, most women don’t want a
man who needs to be cuddled every night after work to keep it together. Women
want a husband and a father for their children whom they can count on to be a
pillar of strength and resilience in times of stress, emergency, and danger.
Naturally, it’s not healthy for a man to keep everything bottled up. Men should be emotionally secure enough to
be privately vulnerable with the right people in their lives when necessary,
but Piers Morgan has a point when he says that there is something unseemly and
unmanly about men baring their soul publicly.
All of this cultural pressure for men to reject their masculinity, confess
their sins, and denounce their former unenlightened selves smacks of Chinese Cultural
Revolution re-education. It’s demeaning.
Amid all the noisy calls today to eradicate “toxic” masculinity, it’s
easy to forget that being a man, or a good man anyway, is not a measure of how
macho or in touch with one’s feminine side a man is, but about the values he
lives by and how committed he is to upholding them.
With that in mind, those who believe that masculinity itself is the
problem and who want to feminize men emotionally are missing the mark. An
emasculated culture is a doomed culture. The aim should be to encourage our young
men to embrace their masculine nature
while teaching them to tame it and temper it with virtue and character and
wisdom. Sure, make room for vulnerability (just not enough to wallow in it), and
focus instead on cultivating a righteous strength. Now that’s a manly new frontier.
From Acculturated, 7/27/17
